The Need To Reassure
by hellsky
Summary: An experience in the shower. (wolfstar, shower sex) (this was writen awhile ago don't judge)


"'Re you going to come in?" Sirius fixes the other boy with an arched dark brow. As Remus looks into the other male's silvery-grey eyes, he can easily tell that he is nervous. Nervous he'll be rejected. Remus couldn't fathom where Sirius had gotten the idea that there was even a shred of dislike under his name in the chocolate-eyed boy's entire being. There-most certainly-was not. Every fiber of Remus's being wholeheartedly loves Sirius Black.

Previously mentioned dark hair was now hanging limply from it's owners head, resting on his shoulders as beads of steaming moisture rippled through it and down his toned body. Sirius's hair was usually thick and glossy—bouncing jovially around as he moved—and just barely brushing the top of his broad shoulders.

Remus looked up through the steam at Sirius, "Yes, of course I am," and lets his briefs fall to the tiled floor as he steps under the spray. Sirius smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. They betray the animagus and tell a separate story. Remus felt the need to reassure Sirius; he was far from the only one who was nervous.

"You're thinking too much again," Remus brushes back Sirius's damp hair, "this is new for the both of us," he steps closer, "you're beautiful, Sirius."

Sirius is smiling crookedly at him now, "Are you sure you're not a mind reader, Moony?" Remus giggles, "How d'you always know what to say to me?"

"I-I don't—not really—I just guess half the time and hope I don't say anything too daft,"

"But you don't, and you do—that made no sense, but I don't give a damn. You're perfect."

"What is this? A competition for one to out-complement the other?" Remus blushes, and for once he is upset that the steam covers it up. Sirius needs to know how deeply he affects Remus, just as much as he affects Sirius.

"I'm blushing." He whispers. Sirius's laugh is soft and easy.

"You, Remus Lupin, are a dork," Sirius finds the other boy's hand and grips it, "but I wouldn't have you any other way." Remus steps closer to him, a smile ghosting over his features.

They're silent for a moment, and then another. Sirius moves toward Remus and their foreheads press together. Amber eyes met grey ones.

"This is stupid. We know each other-this shouldn't be so awkward." Sirius breathes. Remus squeezes his hand in agreement. "Besides," the prior grins wolfishly, "I can think of many preferable things we could be doing with our time rather than staring at one another in silence."

Remus's heart gave a mighty lurch and his throat feels tight. It's not like they haven't done anything like this before-Remus knows that, how could he forget? And it isn't that he doesn't want to do it again-oh, how he does-but it's the anticipation of it all that ails him. The build up to what he craved for.

Remus swallows, "O-Oh yeah, what's that?"

Sirius doesn't say anything, but oh boy does he respond.

Their lips surged together, as if magnetic. Sirius's hands cupped the top of Remus's neck and his fingers brushed against the shell of his ear. Remus's hands clutched Sirius's shoulders like a lifeline.

Their tongues explored the depths of each other's mouth, practically shoving them down the other's throat. Remus moans and grinds his hips against Sirius's. A deep guttural groan rippled from Sirius's throat as his hands gripped the other's hips tightly and pressed Remus up against the wall of the shower stall.

The kiss broke with a wet smack, a thin strand of saliva bridged between their lips. Sirius's pupils are blown wide with lust and Remus can feel himself hardening even more from the sight. Sirius latches onto the underside of Remus's jaw and sucks a hickey into the pale skin. Remus tilts his head back and to the side, moaning loudly.

"S-Sirius," he manages to pant out. His heavily-lidded amber eyes blink up at the light fixture on the ceiling, another cry of pleasure issuing from his lips.

Then it stops. Sirius is still and silent-save the heavy panting. They're looking at each other in silence again.

"Getting some deja vu vibes from this," Sirius whispers.

Remus comes down from his high and blinks the heaviness from his eyes. The fact that Sirius stopped registered. Something was wrong again.

Remus wraps his arms around Sirius's neck and demands attention. Amber once again boring into grey. Sirius's hands touch Remus's waist faintly then shy away, almost as if he was afraid of touching him. Sirius was being stupid again. He shouldn't be nervous.

"What's wrong?" Remus turns some of the drenched black tendrils around his fingers, "Are you ok?"

Sirius puts on a weak smiling facade, "Nothing. I'm peachy." He sticks his thumb up.

"Sirius. Stop being thick, I know something's wrong." Remus isn't having it.

He remains silent for a beat, then the tears become noticeable. The spray from the shower had mostly obscured the beads of water, but now Remus could tell that Sirius was crying.

Remus uses the pad of his thumb to wipe under Sirius's eyes, "Please tell me."

When Sirius answers, it's hardly perceptible, "I don't wanna hurt you."

"What's gotten that idea into your head? If anyone should be worried about hurting someone, it's me." Remus strokes Sirius's hair lovingly.

"The last time was had sex, I was too rough." The way Sirius speaks so easily about sex makes Remus blush-but what he had actually said sent confusion through his body.

"What do you mean? You weren't rough."

"Yes I was! I could tell it was too much from the way you walked around the next day-"

"-Sirius it wasn't-"

"-and you didn't say anything and then when I got drunk and we had sex I know you were in pain!" Sirius pulls away and stands at the other side of the small shower.

"Sirius, I need to tell you something and I need you to listen. Do you understand?" Remus moves back over to Sirius and takes his face in his hands.

"Yes."

"I love you. I love you so much, I can't even begin to put it into words. I love your hair, and I love your eyes, and I love your lips and your chest and your ears, and your legs,and your nose and your arms, and your hands, and your feet, and your ass, and your dick and every damn part of you."

"What about my fingers?" Sirius whispers through softly smiling lips.

"And your fingers," Remus kisses his nose and his cheeks, then his lips, "I love your personality, your qualities, your punk-rock attitude-" Sirius snorts, "-and your heart. I care about you so much it hurts. When I see you my throat goes dry, my heart goes into overdrive, and my stomach tightens."

"So you feel like your going to be sick?"

"Shut up," Remus hooks his arms around his boyfriend's neck and laughed into his chest, "I'm trying to pour out my heart and soul here." Remus can feel Sirius's hands on his lower back and his lips pressing against his wet hair.

"The point is, Sirius Black, I love you. And I know for a fact that you love me."

"That is true."

"Sometimes I get so scared that I'll loose control and hurt you, James, or Peter or someone else I care about. You shouldn't be afraid to hurt me. You're not a monster-"

"-Oh my God, Remus Lupin, we've had this conversation a thousand times! You're not a bloody monster." Sirius groans and clutches this other boy closer.

"Oh really? Then what would you call someone who turns into a raging psychotic werewolf every month?"

"A woman on her period."

"Oh Merlin, let me rephrase that, a bloke who turns into a raging psychotic werewolf every month."

"I dunno."

"See? Monster fits best."

Sirius looks pained, "Remus, I don't want you calling yourself that."

"It's called acceptance."

Sirius is quiet again as he looks away. Remus can feel his hands twitching against his back.

"Yes, it hurt." Sirius's eyes snapped back to focus on Remus, "I was expecting it to. I don't believe an ass was meant to be penetrated, but that's what a majority of guys who like guys do. I knew it was going to hurt and I still wanted it. Pleasure comes after the pain. And, yes it took some getting used to, but it was still everything I could've ever hoped for. Because it was with you. And I love you so much I feel as though my heart's about to burst."

"So you lied?"

"About what? It not hurting after the first time?" Sirius nods.

"No. I didn't."

"But you just said it did hurt!" Sirius exclaimed. "I'm so confused, what the hell."

"It hurt my body, but it didn't hurt my heart."

"Then I overreacted." Sirius pushes his face into Remus's neck.

"A bit, but it's understandable and I'm glad you did. You needed to get it off your chest."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry, love. Everyone jumps to untrue conclusions sometimes."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Sirius pulls his head away from Remus's neck, a mischivious smirk lighting up his features, "So maybe having sex would take off some of the guilt?"

Remus throws his head back and laughs, "Oh my God, I love you so much."

"So is that a yes?" Sirius's hands move from lower back to ass.

"Of course it's a yes, but how the fuck do you plan on doing it in here?"

"Magic!"

"Then get your damn wand, what do you plan on doing with it?"

"It was just an expression Moony, you know I couldn't preform any of those nifty little charms to help us out and besides, I left my wand in the room."

"Alright then, work your magic on me!" Remus laughs.

"The mood will be difficult to get back," Sirius squeezes Remus's ass and picks up around the waist, "but who says it has to be serious?" He wiggles his eyebrows.

Remus is laughing so hard he's near to tears as he wraps his arms and legs respectively around Sirius's neck and waist, "Oh my God let's try and dirty talk each other." Remus clears his throat and peers at Sirius through heavily lidded eyes, biting his lip mock seductively, "Finger my asshole, baby."

"Oh my fucking God."

"Slick up your juicy manstick and shove it in my tight ass."

"Is it bad this is actually turning me on?"

They erupt in uncontrolable laughter.

Remus fights to catch his breath, "But really, how are we going to have sex in here? It's way too small."

"I'll yell at James to get your wand, you know an extension charm?"

"He'll be right pleased, and I can try."

"Right, hold on a tick. JAMES!" Remus pulls himself from Sirius's arms and covers his ears.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!" came James's reply.

"CAN YOU GET REMUS'S WAND IN HERE? ROLL IT UNDER THE DOOR OR SOMETHING?"

"YOU TWO ARE RIGHT KINKY SON'S OF BITCHES!" James screamed, but nonetheless, a wand rolled under the door.

"THANK YOU!" Sirius hollered.

"JUST SHUT UP, OH MY GOD."

"Gotta love him." Sirius sighs, walking over to Remus's wand and bringing it back over.

Remus takes hold of the familiar handle and grips it uncertainly. "Right, if this works, I'll be shocked."

"That's what I think every time before I do anything at this school."

Remus snorts before preforming the charm.

It works, but just barely.

"I could've done better." Remus surveys the shower with distaste.

"I couldn't have done it at all, count your blessings." Sirius kisses Remus's neck and puts his wand outside the stall.

Sirius pushes Remus against the floor of the newly extended shower stall and grins, "Alright, now what were you saying about my manstick?"

"If I recall correctly, I told you to shove it up my tight ass." Remus is laughing again.

"That can be arranged." Sirius says before swiftly moving his face down to his boyfriend's ass and licking a stripe across it. Remus's laughs are laced with heavy intakes of breath with each swipe of Sirius's tongue.

Sirius grips Remus's thighs and presses his tongue past the ring of muscles and inside. He alterantes between jabs inward and licks outwards in a pattern. Remus twists his fingers in Sirius's dark hair, a moaning mess.

He pulls away with a slightly raspy voice, "Fingers?" Remus can only nod, breathless.

One digit presses pass inside of him and pumps gently. It feels foriegn but at the same time it feels so natural. So Sirius.

"Two fingers, and faster, tongue helped open up." Remus's sentences are loosely strung together words.

Another finger enters him and Remus moans, hot and heavy. Sirius's fingers scissor him open faster than before. A feeling of euphoria envolopes Remus as Sirius uses another finger.

A minute or two passes, "Ready?" Sirius's voice is heavy and thick, laced with want.

"Y-Yeah," the fingers exit and Remus can feel Sirius lining himself up against the streached hole.

Sirius moves down to kiss Remus at the exact moment he pushes himself into Remus with one swift movement.

He rolls his hips and strokes his boyfriend's hair away from his face, "Love you, love you."

Remus pants, "Mmm, l-love you."

Sirius takes hold of Remus's hips and pulls out, laying on his back. He pulls Remus on top of himself and meets his gaze. Amber and grey. It was an unspoken understanding, Remus leveled himself over Sirius's dick-a knee on each side of his body and a hand stroking his own-he pushes himself down onto Sirius.

Remus rocks, a mewling mess, as Sirius takes hold of his hips for the thousandths time that night and gently moves Remus's hand from his dick and strokes it with his own.

Remus comes a minute later, and Sirius follows soon after. They're stationary, the only sounds being the spray of water, their own panting, and James and Peter mock barfing in the room outside the bathroom door.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU WANKERS. AT LEAST I HAVE SOMEONE TO HAVE SEX WITH!" Sirius hollers at them, murmering appologies at his exhausted boyfriend.

He sits up, pulling out of Remus and reaching for a bottle of shampoo.

Remus blinks a few times and kisses Sirius's cheek. "I love you."

"Love you more."

"Not a chance, loser."


End file.
